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Grief. A Heavy Load.

Grief. A Heavy Load.

It is officially Daylight Saving Time and the darkness has found its way into my room an hour earlier. I have no Saturday night plans and I am refraining, for at least a little while longer, grabbing for the television remote that sits on my bed, to turn on the Hallmark channel.  
 
Instead, I listen to the sound of water filling up in my washing machine until I become inspired to write. It was time to do my weekly load of laundry.
 
I’ve never been particularly skilled at doing laundry. In the past, I’ve carried down big baskets of clothes, never separating them and hoping that when adequate detergent was added, they would come out just fine.
 
I wish grief worked like that but it doesn’t. I knew that for weeks on end, my routine would be filled with more dark loads than light ones. I needed to turn the knob ever so slowly to the gentle cycle and treat myself with kindness during a difficult time. It sounds like it would have been so easy but even the most basic of tasks such as eating, showering, dressing and brushing my hair become chores that I just wanted to put aside.  
 
Since I desperately needed to rinse off any of the self doubt that I was carrying with me, I started writing little love notes to myself that I would put in my prayer bowl and read out loud every morning before venturing into the office. I also researched the properties of rose quartz, which is considered a heart-central crystal and a good aid to help in the grieving process. A traumatic event, such as loss of a loved one, can lead to guilt and lack of self love. To this day, a delicate little rose quartz angel sits on top of what was once Barney’s favorite pillow.
 
Forty minutes and three little dings later, I am alerted that my clothes are ready to be switched to the next machine. As I toss a Bounce sheet into the dryer, I realize that with courage, self love and faith, I too can learn how to get a little “bounce” back into my step.