Some days are better than others and August 3rd has become one of my least favorite days of the year. One year ago today, Barney went to Heaven. To say that my journey through grief has been exhausting and overwhelming at times, is a fact for the record books. It has also been enlightening, since I was able to find the strength and courage within myself to talk openly about death and loss. Topics that used to terrify me to my very core.
My tears through this transitional year have been plentiful. There are still the “aftershocks” of grief which can grip me when I least expect them. I can still feel a sudden burst of heartache when reading a touching comment on Facebook or reliving a memory that seems so vivid, only to realize that I will not be making any new memories with Barney.
So why should I think that anything about a one year anniversary date should feel different? For me, there will be no magical healing. That same dull ache will continue to gnaw at me, some days more than others, but now I have learned not to judge myself for how I cope.
I want to personally thank my family, my Healing Hearts team and all of the people who have followed my journey on social media. Your kind words and photos have brightened some of my darkest days. I hope we can continue to build a safe and kind community where we can “walk through the rain together.”
I promised myself that I would not dwell on the specific events of that sad morning, one year ago, so instead, at exactly 8:45 am EST, I will be lighting a candle for my Barney. His light will forever be emblazed in my heart on this day and all the days that follow.